Friends, your greatest weapon is self awareness. Knowing what makes you tick, so you can combat the madness!!!

The exasperation of my futile mental nation,

Caused by the cessation of my psyche’s ovation,

The castration of my elation.

Am I a mutation? A gestation causation?

The formation of my frustration,

This fixation of my creation,

This foundation of my self predation.

This notation of varying duration,

A citation of abdication,

An augmentation of my cogitation.

A condensation of my complication

I am ruled by an Empire,

an empire of hurts.

And its unholy spire,

led by sanguine converts.

The dynasty of dirt,

From which I have been led,

A path so very covert,

A place without a bed.

Blood writes the will,

Bone builds the chair,

The rope grows still,

Bound with virgin hair.

One step, one resolve,

To escape this hurt,

To problem solve.

A final solution to clean this dirt.

I am ruled by an Empire

An empire of hurts

And its unholy spires

Led by sanguine converts.

The dynasty of dirt

From which I have been left

A path now overt

A place from which I plead.

Blood drips from the script,

Bone binds his feet,

The veins mend, once ripped,

And nerves soon meet.

Trapped upon the chair,

Bound by sacrificial bone,

Cursed by virgin hair,

Forever to fight alone.

Please read this intermission, a simple edition, of a bipolar rhetorician. The recognition of the definition of my condition is lacking in the collective’s cognition. The acquisition of my admission, was formed by the omission of intuition from the physician. Labeled the opposition„ begging to recondition the sinful repetition leading to contrition without fruition. The attrition of our ambition is funded by foolish assumptive premonition. This volition stated in this exposition, a manic lack of inhibition, a simple proposition. Please reposition yourself on your opposition based on omission of erudition.

Thank you.

If you haven’t noticed yet, I enjoy alternate spellings…anywho…

I’m panicking. obviously. I have no job as of yet and am living with my grandpa. I don’t pay rent but I buy my own food and toiletries…and money is running out…i only have about 240 to last me 3 months… I’m going to be taking a CNA course this June, and I’m scared about enrolling, and I’m afraid that fear and anxiety will ruin that for me. I’ve had two serious jobs before, and episodes have ruined both. Now I actually have to make a living and I can’t afford to be bipolar. I have a fiancee that I feel like I’m failing cause I haven’t proved my worth as a breadwinner/provider. My dream is to get this cna course done (easy if i can get over the anxiety) get the CNA job like within two weeks of the end of the course…be able to hold the job despite my crippling episodes, save up money, get a license, get a car, and start saving up for my own place, and have it ready for my fiancee when she gets out of school. I want to feel proud for once…but its all out of my control…I’m sick of being this way. I’m sick of having bipolar episodes. I must of been really fucked up in my past life to deserve this. (No i’m not a reincarnation adherent.)